Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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