From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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