Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
