You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
