I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
