whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
