I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
