now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
