: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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