I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
