Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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