im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
