Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need a beard to bite.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
