pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
