How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
