I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
