also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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