then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize