If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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