I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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