There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
