party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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