Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
