I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
