I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
