Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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