i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
