So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
