Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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