I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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