I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want you more than these girls want KFC
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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