Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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