similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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