you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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