Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
