you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
