maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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