so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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