i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Your tits are I can't wait for
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
