absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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