Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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