I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He better not be in your backpack
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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