I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
