yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
