she woke up with a sticky ear
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
