Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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