i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
