we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im calling her cock vulture from now on
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
