My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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