She's JV to your varsity
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
