margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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