I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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