Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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