his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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