Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
