whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
