SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
