She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
