playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize