Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
