nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
