Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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