nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
