I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
