that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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