Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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