I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
