Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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