ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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